Burnout in Men: When to Pay Attention

Counseling men for over 30 years, I’ve seen that one of the common things guys struggle with is burnout. For many of my clients, burnout looks like this: You're doing well at work, meeting your goals, getting stuff done, and from the outside, everything looks fine. But inside, you're exhausted. You can't remember the last time you actually wanted to do anything. Sleep doesn't help anymore. And you keep thinking, "Is this it?"

Guys going through this often feel they’re weak or broken, but they’re just burned out.

What Burnout Actually Looks Like

Burnout doesn't typically look like some big, dramatic breakdown. It's quieter. It's the slow drain that happens when you've been going hard for too long without recovering.

Some of the most common signs of burnout are:

You're tired all the time. You used to need eight hours. Now you could sleep for ten and still wake up exhausted.

Work feels pointless. You're checking boxes, but there's no satisfaction in it. You might find yourself thinking, "What's the point?"

Your temper is shorter. Little things set you off. Your partner asks a simple question and you snap. You're not usually like this, but lately everything feels like too much.

You're mentally checked out. Even when you're with your family, your mind is somewhere else. You feel disconnected even in moments that should matter.

Nothing sounds good anymore. The hobbies you used to enjoy feel like obligations now. The things that used to help you recharge don't work anymore.

Your body is trying to tell you something. Tension headaches. Back pain. That tight feeling in your chest that won't go away. You've been pushing through and ignoring it.

Burnout vs. Depression: What's the Difference?

Here's where it gets tricky: burnout and depression can look pretty similar. Both can make you feel exhausted, disconnected, and like nothing matters. But there's an important difference. Burnout is usually tied to your work or a specific situation. When you're away from work – really away, like on vacation – you might start to feel a little better.

Depression is different. With depression, everything feels heavy, not just work. The exhaustion and emptiness follow you everywhere. Depression doesn't care if you're on vacation or if you just got a promotion. Sometimes burnout can lead to depression if you don't deal with it. And sometimes what looks like burnout is actually depression that's been there for a while. As a therapist who's worked with guys for nearly 30 years, I can help you figure out what you're actually dealing with.

Why Guys Don't Deal With Burnout

Guys are conditioned to just power through. The message we get is that real men don't complain, don't slow down, and definitely don't ask for help. We're supposed to be the ones who provide, who solve problems, who have it together.

So when burnout hits, a lot of us do what we’ve always done – we work harder. We bite down on our mouthpiece and keep swinging. We tell ourselves we just need to push through this rough patch. But burnout doesn't respond to willpower. It requires something different.

When Men Try to Numb Burnout

A lot of guys dealing with burnout start drinking more or using other substances to take the edge off. Or they turn to sex, porn, or affairs. It makes sense – you're exhausted and stressed, and you really want relief, even if it’s only temporary. You're not feeling your feelings, you're numbing them.

The problem is that these behaviors can create their own set of problems. If you're only snapping at your wife when you drink, maybe the primary issue isn't anger – it's alcohol. If you're only able to relax or sleep after several drinks, that's worth paying attention to. If you're using porn or sex to escape how empty you feel, that pattern can become its own addiction.

Sometimes guys come to me thinking they have a drinking problem or a sex addiction, and it turns out burnout is driving the whole thing. Other times, the drinking or sexual behavior has become a separate problem that needs its own attention. As a certified addiction counselor, I can help you sort out what's actually going on.

How Counseling Can Help

This isn't about lying on a couch talking about your childhood; it’s about identifying what's draining you and building strategies to help you feel better. The guys I work with aren't looking for someone to tell them to work less or lower their standards. They want to figure out how to sustain their performance without destroying themselves in the process.

For more information, visit my Men's Counseling page.

Feel free to contact me with any questions.