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Most men don't see it coming. Not the divorce itself necessarily, but the aftermath. The part where the legal process is over, the logistics are sorted, and you're supposed to be moving on — and you find you can't. Divorce is one of the most significant life transitions a person can go through. For men, it's often harder than expected and navigated with far less support than women typically receive. After nearly 30 years working with men through major life changes, I've seen

There’s a version of a major life change that looks straightforward from the outside. You got the promotion. You got divorced. You retired. You moved to a new city. These are events, not crises. You’re supposed to handle them. Most men do handle them — at least on the surface. They keep showing up, keep performing, keep managing. What they often don’t do is process what’s actually happening. And that’s where things quietly start to go sideways. After nearly 30 years working w

If you're considering therapy but skeptical about doing it online, you're not alone. Most people who haven't tried teletherapy assume it must be a lesser version of the real thing. A compromise. Something you settle for when you can't get into an office. That's not what the research shows. And it's not what my clients tell me. What the Research Says Multiple studies conducted over the last several years have found that teletherapy is as effective as in-person therapy across a

I've been a therapist for nearly 30 years. The majority of my individual clients are men. And one of the most common things I hear from a new client — usually in the first session — is some version of "I probably should have come in a lot sooner." That's not surprising. Men are wired — or raised, or both — to handle things themselves. Asking for help goes against the grain for most of us. So guys white-knuckle it, drink through it, work through it, or just wait and hope it pa

About half the guys who come to me for help with sex addiction have already figured out on their own that they have an addiction. The other half typically say something like, "I think I might have a problem with porn," or "I can't stop cheating on my wife," or "My sexual behavior is messing up my life, and I don't know what to do about it." The label doesn't really matter. What matters is whether your sexual behavior is causing problems in your life or making you feel bad abo

Forget the Stereotype When most people think "alcoholic," they picture someone who's lost everything – their job, their family, their house. But that's a small percentage of people who struggle with alcohol. Most of the people I work with who have drinking problems are functioning just fine on the surface. They go to work, pay their bills, and show up for their kids. From the outside, everything looks okay. The important question isn't whether you fit some stereotype. The que

For my clients who struggle with sex addiction, often the last part of their lives to be impacted is work. This may or may not apply to you, but here’s what this may look like. You've built a career you're proud of. You show up when you need to, meet your deadlines, and maintain a professional image. You meet or exceed expectations. From the outside, everything looks fine. But underneath, you may be exhausted. Sex addiction doesn't just affect your personal relationships. It

Counseling men for over 30 years, I’ve seen that one of the common things guys struggle with is burnout. For many of my clients, burnout looks like this: You're doing well at work, meeting your goals, getting stuff done, and from the outside, everything looks fine. But inside, you're exhausted. You can't remember the last time you actually wanted to do anything. Sleep doesn't help anymore. And you keep thinking, "Is this it?" Guys going through this often feel they’re weak or

Many clients who come to me for help with addiction or substance use disorders focus solely on their primary struggle, whether that's cocaine addiction, marijuana addiction, prescription medicine addiction, or sex addiction. But there's frequently a hidden factor that can sabotage their recovery efforts: alcohol. Even for those who don't consider themselves alcoholics, drinking can have profound effects on other addictions in ways that many don't realize.

At the time of this writing, 24 states have legalized recreational marijuana use. For many years, much of the discussion of marijuana focused on whether or not it should be legal. This conversation, though important, often took away from the more crucial conversation about whether marijuana was actually addictive. Though some may argue this, medical and mental health experts agree marijuana is, in fact, addictive. As with any substance, not everyone who uses marijuana is an a

As both a marriage and family therapist and an addictions counselor, I've worked with hundreds of couples facing infidelity, sex...

When men with sex addictions begin to acknowledge they have a problem, they sometimes worry that recovering from their addiction means living a life without sex. Understandably, this is an unpleasant – possibly terrifying – thought. The short answer is that sex addicts absolutely do not have to give up sex, but the long answer is a little more complex.

I frequently hear a variation of this question from couples (usually from husbands who cheated) early in the process of healing from...

A common struggle for my clients with addictions, alcoholism in particular, is trying to figure out if they need to give up alcohol...

When I begin therapy with a new client struggling with sex addiction, they often explain that the reason they act out (have repeated...

Medication can be a helpful addition to someone’s overall treatment plan

Over the last 25 years, I've worked with hundreds of couples suffering through and trying to heal from infidelity. Obviously, this is an...

As an addiction counselor, I’ve worked with sex addictions for over 20 years. One of the most common forms of sex addiction is porn...

I rarely read books about people's personal struggles with addiction.

I’ve been a drug and alcohol counselor for a long time, but this work still interests me.

In the last week, three of my online therapy clients have referenced the movie Groundhog Day describe life during COVID-19.

Even though we are healthy and financially stable – at least for now - our lives are a dark, closed-down version of what they once were.

Here’s the stuff I’ve found most helpful during COVID-19, though these are not necessarily in order of importance.

All of the uncomfortable and unpleasant facets of life during this pandemic contribute to addiction and relapse.

The argument for marijuana legalization is a valid one, but it often overlooks the fact that marijuana can be problematic for people.

Unfortunately, couples sometimes don’t come to marriage counseling until it’s too late.

Grief is one of the most difficult experiences we go through.

As a mental health counselor, clients often ask me – especially guys – if it’s really necessary to talk about their feelings.

Not everyone who cheats is a sex addict, and not all sex addicts are cheaters.

Sex addiction is a fairly new term and can be especially hard to wrap one’s head around.

Most men have misunderstandings about how to listen to their wives.

On the most general level, you have a drug or alcohol problem if it creates problems in your life.

I believe that everyone is different and that the path to sobriety isn’t the same for everyone.

We have seen more and more clients whose problems have been created by or made worse by the Internet.

One of the things nearly every couple who comes to marriage and couples counseling struggles with is communication.

It’s often difficult for people to remember what they learn or realize in therapy, even when these realizations feel important.

Nobody likes being uncomfortable, and we especially don’t like being psychologically uncomfortable.