How to Know if Your Drinking is a Problem

Forget the Stereotype

When most people think "alcoholic," they picture someone who's lost everything – their job, their family, their house. But that's a small percentage of people who struggle with alcohol. Most of the people I work with who have drinking problems are functioning just fine on the surface. They go to work, pay their bills, and show up for their kids. From the outside, everything looks okay.

The important question isn't whether you fit some stereotype. The question is whether alcohol is causing problems in your life or making you feel bad about yourself.

Signs Your Drinking Might Be a Problem

You're drinking more than you planned to. You tell yourself you'll have two beers, and next thing you know, you've had five or six. This may happen regularly, not just once in a while. You have a hard time stopping once you start. What I often hear from clients is, "I can go a few days without drinking, but once I start, I can't seem to stop at just one or two."

You need alcohol to relax or sleep. If you can't wind down at the end of the day without a few drinks, or you can't fall asleep without alcohol, that's worth noticing. You're using it as a tool to manage your stress or anxiety, and that pattern can become a problem. I've worked with a lot of guys who don't even realize they're doing this until we start talking about it.

Your behavior changes when you drink. Maybe you only get into arguments with your wife when you've been drinking. Maybe you only say things you regret after a few beers. If alcohol is connected to your anger, your irritability, or your acting in ways you're not proud of, that's a red flag. Over the years, I've had many clients tell me they only have certain issues when they drink. In those cases, the primary problem might not be anger – it might be alcohol.

You're hiding how much you drink. If you're downplaying your drinking to your partner, pouring drinks when no one's looking, or feeling defensive when someone brings it up, pay attention to that. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't usually hide it. In my experience, the hiding is often a bigger indicator than the actual amount you're drinking.

You've tried to cut back and couldn't. This is a big one. If you've told yourself you'd take a week off or only drink on weekends, and you couldn't stick to it, that tells you something. What I tell clients is this: people without drinking problems can take it or leave it. If you can't leave it, that's important information.

Other people have said something. When your wife, your doctor, or a friend suggests you might be drinking too much, it's easy to get defensive. But in my 30 years of doing this work, I've seen that people on the outside often see patterns before we do. If someone who cares about you is concerned, it's worth taking seriously.

You feel bad about your drinking. Guilt, shame, regret – these feelings are trying to tell you something. What I often hear from clients is that they wake up feeling guilty about how much they drank the night before, or they're embarrassed about things they said or did while drinking. Listen to that.

What to Do Next

If you're recognizing yourself in some of these signs, you don't necessarily need to quit drinking forever. But you probably need to do something different than what you're doing now.

Some guys can learn to moderate – to set limits and stick to them. Other guys find that moderation doesn't work for them, and they need to stop completely. As a drug and alcohol counselor, I can help you figure out which category you're in.

The hardest part is usually just admitting that there might be a problem. Once you do that, we can figure out what to do about it.

You've been successful in other areas of your life. You know how to solve problems. This is just another problem to solve, and you don't have to solve it alone.

For more information, visit my Drug and Alcohol Counseling page.

Feel free to contact me with any questions.